Autumn is my favourite season, and I feel particularly lucky to have spent a few of them in Boston, mainly for leaf-peeping reasons.
But it comes at a price, and that price is having to call it ‘the Fall’. Or maybe there's no ‘the’. Either way, it's terrible.
That’s a quarter of the year spent having to use a word begrudgingly. (Unlike the word begrudgingly, which I love to use!) Fall from grace, fall down the stairs - there are just no good associations there. Okay, to fall in love is good, but I see your head over heels, and I raise you falling over in front of someone you fancy. Plus, you don’t get to say 'Autumnal' in America without people thinking you’re a dick (although I suppose that’s a risk wherever you are) and it’s such an evocative, golden-foliage-y word. See?Without Autumnal, I have to say things like golden foliage-y! It's just one indignity after another. But try and share these petty grievances with a New Englander, and they won’t hear of it. People here seriously dig the Fall, largely - as far as I can gather - for pumpkin-related reasons. I think I must have missed the meeting where everybody decided to go collectively bananas for the gourd, but that’s fine, because as soon as I'm done grumbling, I can go back to thinking about all the reasons that Autumn is the apple of my pi - I mean - eye.
So what’s my favourite thing about Autumn, you say? Well we both know I can’t limit myself to just one thing, so please - don’t try and clip my wings. In exchange for your generosity of spirit, I would happily make you a cup of tea, because that is definitely one of my top things about Autumn, or maybe just about the end of Summer - its death knell, the unavoidably audible rattle of the last few sips of an iced coffee. With summer over, we can get back to drinking from mugs, as god intended.
Long sleeves, jeans, woolly tights. Yes, yes, yes. This is especially relevant for my fellow gentlewomen who are furry of limb. Hey man, there’s nothing wrong with being hirsute, even if our TVs and magazines would have you believe otherwise. But I think it’s also okay to do a little fluffy-legged dance, like the Bacchic satyr you are, when it’s finally time to whip out the opaques. This is coming from someone whose Autumn ‘look’ is basically indistinguishable from Disney’s portrayal of Philoctetes, as voiced by Danny DeVito. I also share Phil’s love of a training montage.
Proper pyjamas. The full-length kind with an elasticated waist or a button up shirt. Maybe with a little nightcap that flops over to the side, ideally with a pompom. If owning such an item didn't drastically improve my life (though I suspect it would) it would at least improve the multi-directional nature of my hair in the morning.
Indeed, for those of us with hair of the candy floss persuasion, bidding farewell to summer humidity is always a particular joy.
Soup. Everyday. With a hot buttered roll on the side, if you insist.
Getting home after a long day, chucking off my bra quicker than Superman in a phone booth (assuming he wears a bra, that is) and hopping into a pair of freshly-washed jammies - there are lots of good feelings in this life, but this is surely one of the greats.
Shiny red toffee apples
My red duffel coat
In fact, here's a picture of me enjoying a toffee apple AND my red duffel coat. Double bonus.
(Photo credit goes to my beautiful sister and toffee apple enabler, Bex Herman.)
Boots! Welcome back, old friends. I think the right ankle boots can make any outfit look v sophisticated. And I’m somebody who uses the abbreviation ‘v’, and is currently wearing a blue flannel smock with big red flowers on it, so I think we can all agree that I know whereof I speak.
Then there’s big old leather boots, for when only a good stomp will do. See also: going out of your way just for the satisfaction of treading on the crunchiest looking leaf. My big boots are also red, so I spend most of the Autumn (and Winter, in fact) looking like a full-on berry.
Buying new stationary, and the wild optimism that comes with it.
Baked potatoes with salty butter, or - better yet - cheese and beans. I’m a bit of a potato puritan, so don’t even talk to me about a tuna mayo topping, now, or ever. Not that I have anything against tinned tuna, far from it. By all means have a tuna melt, ideally on a bagel base, with heaps of red onion, sweetcorn, and Worcestershire sauce.
And for god’s sake don’t be stingy with the cheese. This is a bit of a life motto for me. I should embroider it on a pillow or something. (Step one: learn how to embroider.)
Yes, summer has it’s cheese-related delights - parmesan, mozzarella, goats’… you’re right, it’s all good stuff. But as soon as there’s a nip in the air, we can legitimately send the crumbled/shaved-on-a-salad kind of cheese back to the briny deep, where it belongs. I for one will be welcoming back the proper slice with open arms. Autumn is the season of the slab, the wedge, and - my favourite cheese-portion descriptor - the hunk.
But then there are those nights when even a tuna melt is too much effort, and a baked potato is far too long to wait. When you need to flop onto the sofa with the force and grace of a sea cucumber. Rest easy, friends, we’re now tip-toeing back into takeaway season, and not a minute too soon. Pair with the bra/PJs move for optimal results.
And finally, last but not least, leaf peeping!
If there's a funnier name for any activity, and especially one as wholesome as this, I would really like to know about it.
When I'm ready to brave the great outdoors, i.e. once I've eaten enough cheese, soup, and takeaway noodles to regain my zest for life, then can I fully appreciate the joy of leaf peeping. Until then, I must make do with enjoying the hilarious name alone.
I came across this letter recently, via the always-excellent Letters of Note.
Isn't that great?
I think I might start using a seasonal variation on this idea, whenever I don't fancy doing something.
'I must decline, for leaf-peeping reasons.'
Or, more realistically, 'I must decline for baked potato reasons.'
That's a pretty iron-clad excuse, right?
Some Music
This week's playlist is Autumn-themed (naturally) and can be listened to on Spotify here.
Special thanks to Julian Pinelli, a brilliant housemate, fiddler & North Carolinian, for introducing me to 'Carolina in the Fall'. Thanks also to Mairi Chaimbeul, Greg Liszt & Chris Miller for letting me play these songs over and over again while I tinkered with the order. We were sitting out on the porch, enjoying a beautiful Autumnal evening, and they were very patient indeed.
(Though possibly less patient with my free and easy use of the word autumnal.)
The Cameo: a new section!
Cameos are fun and great. To bolster my point, well-articulated though it was, I shall refer you to the following examples.
Jeff "I forgot my mantra" Goldblum in Annie Hall
Billy Crystal as Miracle Max in The Princess Bride.
("Ooh-hoo-hoo look who knows so much eh?")
Count Basie in Blazing Saddles
Billy Crystal (again) and Robin Williams in Friends (with a great gag from Chandler at the beginning)
Wallace "Little Homunculus" Shawn in Manhattan
Bruce Springsteen in High Fidelity
Annie Hall (again) but Marshall McLuhan this time
George Harrison's non-speaking, blink-and-you'll-miss-it appearance in Life of Brian
Salman Rushdie in Bridget Jones' Diary, mostly because.….what?
Steve Martin in The Muppet Movie
And speaking of Steve Martin... (this is a good segue, just you wait) The Katch-Up’s first ever cameo is from my pal & housemate Sean Trischka. Sean is a fantastic drummer, songwriter, singer, music-video-maker, social media maven, Larry David impression-doer… you get it, he’s a regular Renaissance man.
Sean has just released a new music video from his fantastic album The Shuffle, and (here we go - it’s segue time) it features a cameo from none other than Steve Martin himself!
The videos also features equally notable appearances by Stash Wyslouch and 2/3 of Lula Wiles.
A Poem
This week’s poem is To Autumn, by John Keats.
I mean, how could I resist? I was going to apologise for going straight to it, like a bear to honey, but then I thought - no. This poem is so perfect that I should never be sorry for an excuse to read it.
To Autumn
Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness,
Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eaves run;
To bend with apples the moss'd cottage-trees,
And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;
To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells
With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,
And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease;
For Summer has o'erbrimm'd their clammy cells.
Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store?
Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find
Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,
Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind;
Or on a half-reap'd furrow sound asleep,
Drowsed with the fume of poppies, while thy hook
Spares the next swath and all its twinèd flowers:
And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep
Steady thy laden head across a brook;
Or by a cyder-press, with patient look,
Thou watchest the last oozings, hours by hours.
Where are the songs of Spring? Ay, where are they?
Think not of them, thou hast thy music too,—
While barrèd clouds bloom the soft-dying day
And touch the stubble-plains with rosy hue;
Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mourn
Among the river-sallows, borne aloft
Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies;
And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn;
Hedge-crickets sing; and now with treble soft
The redbreast whistles from a garden-croft;
And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.
If you're on the move, and don't fancy reading Keats by squinting at your phone, you could just kick back and listen to Ben Whishaw reading it aloud instead:
Yes, the word 'aloud' may have been superfluous, but I like Ben Whishaw a lot, so I wouldn't necessarily rule out listening to an audio recording of him reading Keats in his thinking voice. It's worth a listen for his pronunciation of the word 'gourd' alone.And speaking of gourds....
(I am king of the segues today. And so modest!)
Links!
Apologies in advance for the salty language, but I'm not sure if this will ever not be funny to me. It's decorative gourd season, motherfuckers. I recently spotted some particularly woeful examples of the genre, and took pictures because I think they illustrate that piece quite nicely:
Unlike these sorry displays, nobody made Autumn look better than Nora Ephron. She even gave Keats a run for his money. Perfectly summing up the excellence of Autumn/Fall, here's Tom Hanks in You've Got Mail (be still my beating heart):
As I write this, the last episode of The Pin (Series 2) is currently playing on BBC Radio 4, and it's so, so brilliant. I might be biased because one of them is my boyfriend, but they did win the prize for 'Best Comedy Production' at the BBC Radio Awards, hopefully not for the same reason. You can listen to it here, for a little while longer. (I'm not sure how much longer it'll be on iPlayer, and Ben is asleep so I can't ask him, so you should listen to it now, just to be on the safe side.)
Since this school replaced detention with meditation, they have issued zero suspensions. What a beautiful, obvious, brilliant idea.
I've been squirrelling away an ever-growing collection of Mallory Ortberg links, so this might be the first of many: “Oh…No, My Thing Is Happening”: Women Leaving Tactfully In Western Art History .
Male voice choirs always make my heart melt. This rendition of Myfanwy, and the lovely story behind it just about did me in.
This Ohio police chief is speaking out against police brutality and working to fix the problem. An infinitesimal glimmer of hope.
Roger Angell has voted in eighteen presidential elections, so I was interested to read his two cents' worth.
And speaking of powerful women, wasn't Sabrina the Teenage Witch a fantastic show? (Okay, my segue pride may have been somewhat premature.) Hilda, Zelda, Salem, a strong recurring cameo from Penn Gillette as Hilda's boyfriend Drell.. all gold. I'm glad it's getting some well-earned recognition here. Along with The Gilmore Girls (another show that passed the Bechdel Test with flying fall-foliage colours) it's an ideal show to watch in the Autumn, for leaf-peeping and baked potato reasons.
And that's it! See you next week!
Love,
Katya
p.s. If the words come out in different sizes, or if the pictures don't come through, I'm really sorry. I've been having a little formatting trouble, but hopefully I'll have conquered it by next week. (That's only an Autumn pun if you want it to be.)