'I will always be singing somewhere' || An interview with Claudia Eliaza
Yesterday, my friend Sophie sent me a recording of the song she’s written for my wedding, which is now three weeks away. I listened to it on my break at the hospital, and promptly burst into tears. So I leapt into a supplies cupboard, to avoid walking through the ward with a face as crumpled as a bulldog. Much to my embarrassment, I was discovered almost immediately by one of my favourite nurses who - without a word - leaned unceremoniously over my heaving little body to grab a tub of disinfectant wipes, and carefully closed the door behind her.
This has been a strange, beautiful, exciting, and devastating Summer. I’ve been ricocheting between heart-thumping love and destabilising sadness, interspersed with baffled, overwhelming gratitude, approximately every other minute. To make matters worse, the sadness is none of my own - it’s all seeing people I love go through something I would give anything in the world to protect them from. And, as it turns out, I’m useless at feeling so totally useless.
I suspect we all have moments where we realise that the ground beneath us has shifted somewhat, and we maybe need to rest a hand against a cool and solid wall. I’ve had two of these recently. One of course was sobbing in a cupboard, and having to blow my nose on the discarded packaging of an adult nappy.
The other was when I found myself quite unexpectedly spending two post-midnight hours looking at nail polish blogs, feverishly hunting for the most pleasingly-named shade of blue. Not just two hours, but two hours of total absorption. I texted a friend to tell her that I’d clearly lost the plot, and she confirmed that yes, this was accurate - not least because I already wear blue nail polish almost every day. Which is true! I have three perfectly fine bottles - Laguna, Secret Periwinkle, and Check Out The Old Geysirs - stacked neatly in my fridge, next to the butter. But this was one of those middle-of-the-night times where I truly believed that if I could find the Best, most perfectly named blue, then everything would be FINE. Everything would feel possible.
In the end, I did stumble upon the best, most perfect blue. But because life is life - by which I mean relentlessly bewildering - it’s called Throw Me Something Purple, Please.
So. Today, rather than writing something new, I thought I’d share something I that wrote back in 2016 (as will become apparent almost immediately) when one particular video tore my wizened heart wide open.
It’s a video I returned to last night, and found it to be just the thing - something that makes the world feel possible, and full of immeasurable joy.
That said, I wouldn’t watch it at work without a cupboard nearby.
Aretha Franklin's performance of You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman is the only video I want to watch in 2016, as long as I can have it on a loop.
The stats so far:
No. of times watched: 18 - no, 19.
No. of times dissolved into tears: 8.
No. of times it was a case of ‘I'm fine, it's just a prickle in the eye’: the remaining 11.
No. of whoops and gasps, audible and irrepressible: SO MANY.
Okay, I know ‘SO MANY’ is not a rock-solid stat, but sometimes one has to abandon their rigorous data-gathering when faced with such an incandescent blaze of pure joy and astonishment. (A diligent statistician speaks.)
But Aretha Franklin is always phenomenal*, so what is it about this video? She always is (you’re so right) but there's just so much to knock you sideways here, in the best possible way. I can't get enough of Carole King’s total rapture throughout. I truly don't know if I’ve ever seen a happier face. (If there was a video of just Carole King's reactions for the whole 4m 17s, even without the magnificent audio, I’d watch it. As a special 2017 treat.)
I love the way the Obamas lose it right from the start. And why shouldn't they? Watching a 73-year-old woman as radiant and powerful as this is a breathtaking thing. Luckily she has some breath to spare - Aretha sounds as if she barely needs a microphone to blow the roof off of the Kennedy Center. Viola Davis’ adoration at the end pretty much sums it up, and is also a joy to watch. (Ditto re: reaction video - any leads appreciated.)
Then, of course, there’s Aretha's floor-length mink. My god. Whatever your feelings about fur, you must admit - she is a vision. And when she stands up and whips the coat off, effortlessly bringing the crowd to their knees... Well, I’ve been reduced to a husk just thinking about it.
In fact, before I go, let’s have a moment of deep, contemplative reverence for Aretha’s total lack of regard for her accessories. Should you ever need to find a visual representation of magnificence, look no further:
Now, here’s the whole video, in its glorious, life-affirming entirety. Fill your boots! Fill your heart to the brim! I’m going in for another round.
*Yes, I’m sticking with the present tense. In an uncertain world, she will forever be a constant. An inextinguishable light.As she said, so rightly: ‘I will always be singing somewhere.’
The Cameo
My guest this week is Claudia Eliaza.
What’s your job title/profession?
I am a Board Certified Music Therapist, and a Performer. My husband and I perform together doing all-ages music for families and children. We have recently created a sensory-friendly comic folk opera, commissioned by the Kennedy Center, for young audiences.
What would you love for people to know about your work?
I’d love for them to know what a blessing it is to be a music therapist and musician - especially in these dark days. With everything happening in our world, I feel a greater sense of gratitude to be in music with people. It’s lovely way to be present, real and connected with others. The musical space is a sacred and creative place filled with endless possibilities. The issues of the moment fall by the wayside when we are united in music. Blessed am I to share in the unique form of intimacy.
What might people be surprised to discover about your work?
Well, when you work for yourself, it’s a different kind of drive.
What made you/helped you to choose what you do?
Music has always been a fundamental part of me. It was integrated in every aspect of my life. The music chose me really. It was in my bones and I knew how good it made me feel. But it was more than the feeling and having fun. It was music that helped me remember things from an early age like my phone number, the 50 states, the alphabet song and even my social security number. From early on I was able to see how music could help me on a daily level with other practical life skills and needs. After high school I joined a performing arts group called the Young Americans, that focused heavily on maintaining music programs in schools that were on the verge of losing their arts programming due to budget cuts and other challenges. We would go to these schools and host performance workshops open to K-12 students in the community. And what would happen next was nothing short of amazing! Student groups as large as 200+ would partake in the workshops and at the end a performance, both the students and the Young Americans would put on a show at that school, open to the rest of the community. We would all work together with one common theme. Music. In those years I saw how music was bringing the community together and changing lives. I knew from that moment on that I wanted to work with people through arts.
What’s your perfect breakfast/lunch for a workday?
HAHAHA! Most morning it’s usually oatmeal, or a smoothie, or eggs on occasion… Lunch is where I’ll get a little more creative. Today I had African Peanut Stew (Ahhhh….. The joys of working from home.)
What’s your alarm sound?
A song called “Mama” on my phone. It’s a song in Spanish. I’ve had it for maybe 4 years and it still makes me smile when I hear it.
Do you have a set morning routine?
My husband brings me tea in bed every morning. I’m spoiled like that! From there I roll into the kitchen and make breakfast. My hubby makes the delicious tea and I make a mean bowl of oatmeal.
Do you have a dedicated/preferred space for writing? If so, what does it look like?
Yes. I love to write from our kitchen table. I sit facing the backyard. It’s my favorite seat. I get to see the birds and squirrels living their lives.
Preferred stationary/tools of the trade? Essential work items?
Paper mate Ink Joy gel and flair pens are my absolute favorite. They write so smoothly and they don’t bleed. My gratitude planner is another must have. It’s filled with motivational affirmations, goal setting and other great personal growth tools.
What are your work hours like? Do you try to create a routine for yourself or is that impossible given the nature of your work?
My work hours vary depending upon the week and the events we have on our calendar. Most of the day work takes place at the table, but in the evenings Dan and I love sitting around with our instruments and jamming into the wee hours of the morning. It doesn’t happen everyday, but it’s something we really enjoy doing.
Do you work with fixed goals in mind or take it day by day depending on what comes up?
I work with fixed goals in mind. I like to have something that I am working towards. The reality is that these things often change along the way. But an element of flexibility is required as well.
What inspires you?
I’m inspired by my husband. He is a hard worker. He sets goals and crushes them. I love watching him interact with people and how he handles all kinds of situations.
I’m inspired by my parents who came to this country with nothing to create a life of opportunity for my brother and me. To leave the life they knew along with their friends, family and community is something I don’t take lightly. They sacrificed everything for a shot at a better life.
I’m inspired by the families that I get to work with through music and the clients that have taught me so much about life, acceptance and being present.
What’s your favourite thing about your job?
Seeing the look on people’s faces when the concept of music therapy suddenly makes sense.
Least favourite?
Having to pay for healthcare.
What do you do to get through days when you just don’t feel like it?
I dance dance dance!
Do you have a go-to treat to get you out of a slump?
Of course! Plantain chips!
What’s your favourite part of the day?
Getting through my to-do list.
Least favourite?
Ending the day feeling like I didn’t get through my to-do list.
How you define a good/successful day?
A good day takes on many forms. One of my best days is seeing the excited faces of children when we are performing. I love kids, and love to imagine the world through their eyes. So, when they see us singing and making music, I imagine what a powerful image this is for them. As an interracial couple, it’s important to me that kids see the various manifestations of love and that love isn’t one color, size or shape. I consider it a success that they get to see two people who don’t look alike and from different backgrounds making music together. It’s a visual that I didn’t see much growing up and it’s important to me that kids see themselves represented on stage and beyond.
What’s been your favourite failure? One that you learnt a lot from, or one that you can look back and say ‘well I got through THAT, I’m unstoppable!’
Hmmmm… Well, back in 2013, I lost my voice completely for a little over 2 weeks. It’s not something I often talk about, but this was undoubtedly one of the scariest personal obstacles I had to face. Through this experience, I learned so much about myself and the importance of self care. And as terrifying as the whole ordeal was, I was vibrating on a completely different frequency. There was an overwhelming sense of peace that accompanied the silence. It was a time of spiritual growth and surrender which led to me seeing and operating through the world differently. It was clear that some people were uncomfortable interacting with me because I couldn’t speak. Others appeared to be annoyed that all my responses had to come by way of pad and pen. But I came out of this a much stronger person than when I entered. My sense of patience and empathy grew. I also started listening to my body more. Self care is something I now exercise frequently which results in a better me all around. When I take care of myself I can take care of the people around me. And let’s just say, I’m no longer the girl screaming and cheering at concerts and sporting events. Those days are behind me.
Any hot tips for the old work-life-balance conundrum?
Oh I’m still working on this area.
Do you have any hobbies/passions outside of your work?
I love making skincare products. Body butters, chapsticks etc.
What’s one piece of advice you would give to someone who wants to do what you do?
Self care is crucial. You can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself.
What’s the best piece of advice someone’s ever given you?
Don’t forget to smile.
What are you evangelical about recommending to people?
Get yourself a Vitamix! You won’t regret it. And sheets! Egyptian cotton. Always.
What’s your top tip for getting shit done?
Nike said it best, Just do it!
Which three songs should I listen to this week?
Follow Claudia on Instagram: @claudiaeliaza.
Some Music
I made a playlist for the enduring fantasy of Summertime Me:
Even though I know the reality is much closer to this:
You can listen to it on Spotify here:
And of course…
I know you don’t need this from me, but just in case it saves you a crucial minute or two, here’s my Aretha playlist.
I put it together years ago, for those moments when you need Aretha, and you need her RIGHT FUCKING NOW.
A Poem
You Know What I'm Saying
by Irving Feldman
"I favor your enterprise," the soup ladle says
"And I regard you and your project with joy."
At Grand Forks where the road divides twice over,
the wet wooden squeegee handle poking out
of the bucket beside the red gas pump tells you,
"Whichever way – hey, for you they're all okay."
The stunted pine declares from someone's backyard
you happen to be passing, "I don't begrudge you
your good health. In fact, my blessing – you've got it, now."
An ironing board is irrepressible.
"Your success is far from certain, my friend,
and still it's vital to my happiness."
The yellow kernels in the dust, mere chickenfeed,
call out, "We salute you, and you can count on us."
We do not live in a world of things
but among benedictions given
and – do you know what I'm saying? – received.
Links!
This is the best illustrated periodic table I’ve ever seen. I wouldn’t have described myself as a periodic table nut (per se) but I absolutely adore it.
The Stages Of Realizing You Are Late from Daniel Mallory Ortberg’s brilliant newsletter, The Shatner Chatner.
Minute Nine: Time to shower. How can I be on time if I am not clean? Showering will take forty-five seconds. I have never showered for longer than a minute.
[…]
Minute Sixteen: If I leave right now and also the Rapture has happened, there will be no cars on the road, and I will only be three minutes late, which no one will notice.
A review of Cher, and only Cher, in the new Mamma Mia
If Madonna and Lady Gaga and Kylie and Cyndi Lauper were playing football, Cher would be the stadium they played on, and the sun that shone down on them.
My friend Jessica is the director of prevention programs for a domestic violence charity, and a new mother. Informed by both roles, she’s written a fascinating article about how to model and practise consent with babies and children.
I am striving to create a foundation for my daughter that I can continue to build on the older she gets. I hope that my actions are sending her the message that communicating her feelings is valuable, and that her boundaries are important and will be respected.
This collection of essays on yellow food is an appropriately sunshine-flavoured treat.
I found this article by Susie Boyt full of welcome reminders: The comfort zone is unfashionable – but it’s where some people thrive.
I sat everyone down, switched on the gas fire, put on Stevie Wonder, made bacon sandwiches! I realised I didn’t want to go through life sharply, holding my nerve and swallowing my needs any more, but to soften things…
For me, this video is 4 minutes and 9 seconds of irrepressible delight.
And that’s it! See you soon.Love,
Katya