I don’t wish to ruffle any feathers, but I think this week I might have witnessed the most magnificent parenting move of all time. I was in the clinic, with a four year old patient - let’s call him Jack - and we’d just finished making up a song about Batman’s favourite things to do at the beach. In case you're wondering, Batman's routine apparently looks like this: eat a strawberry ice cream, then a chocolate ice cream (cup then cone, definitely) then play with his Batmobile toy. Yes, he does have a Batmobile toy as well as the actual Batmobile. I did seek to clarify this point myself, as I feared this breaking of the fourth wall would jeopardise the narrative integrity of our song. But Jack seemed less worried about it, and he's the Simon to my Garfunkel, so I let it go. As I was gathering up my instruments, Jack’s dad asked him to help me put them away. We've developed a routine of dropping each one into my upturned drum from an ever-decreasing height, to see who can make the quietest noise, but this time Jack decided that he wanted to get on with making some sweet and sour chicken on his iPad instead. (Seriously, that’s a real app. It’s called ‘Chinese Food Express! Fried Rice Noodles Buffet’.) After pretending to eat a bite of chicken (what has my life become?) I was happy to let him get on with it. But Jack’s dad had a different idea.
‘Is that how four year olds behave?’ He asked, with the confident inflection of someone not expecting to have their rhetorical question countered. Let alone with the irrefutable logic of -
‘Yeah! I’m four!’
Well played, indeed. I didn't imagine things would progress much from here, but then Jack’s dad said something - with the unflinching shark-eyes of Al Pacino in … literally every Al Pacino movie - that I really hadn't seen coming.
'I can make you three again, you know!'
Is that not the boldest, most brilliant parental statement you’ve ever heard?
No wonder his son thought nothing of having Batman own a Batmobile toy, and flouting the traditional conventions of fiction - his own father had just thrown the concept of unidirectional linear time straight out the window! And he totally bought it. In that moment - when Jack genuinely believed that his recently acquired and much prized four-ness could be taken away (just like that!) if he didn’t behave - his face became the sole reason that the emoticon with a zero for a mouth was invented. Here it is for reference:
:-0
Honestly, that might as well be a photograph.
But there's one detail of the story that I neglected to mention. Jack was sitting cross-legged and shirtless on the bed ('criss-cross applesauce!'), bald, round-faced, and sanguine as a little Buddha. He was getting intravenous chemotherapy through a central line in his chest, but at this point, the needles appeared to be a mere detail compared with the fact that he might be about to slip back - against his will - into three-dom. No way. Not on his watch. So he pulled himself up onto the pillows (with as much huffing and puffing as he could muster, just to show he meant business) and in a flash he was scrambling around the bed, gathering all the instruments, ready for our clearing up game. He smiled triumphantly.
'See? I AM four!'
His dad nodded. 'Yep. You were right. You're four. You're the cheekiest and toughest four year old in town.'
When I tell people that I work with babies, children and teens fighting cancer and other life-threatening illnesses, they often say: ‘How do you do that?! It must be so hard!’ And of course it is and it isn't. I find myself witness to such intense emotion - along every possible point of the spectrum - that I end most days feeling so drained that I suspect if I were to look in the mirror I would just see a giant raisin with glasses peering back at me. And yet at the same time I feel so full I could burst. Full of joy, devastation, fear, whatever that feeling is when you see something so hilarious or adorable that you might come apart at the seams from sheer disbelief.
A few days ago, a five year old patient wanted to teach his two year old sister to play the xylophone, having requested that we sing a song from Frozen ‘because it’s her best favourite.’ I was wearing blue latex medical gloves, so they demanded the same, in order to channel Elsa more effectively. Even the smallest gloves were about eight times too big for their mini hands, so the finger-ends flopped down limply with every ice spell cast.
In January, the family of a patient who had recently passed away came back to the clinic. He was a truly extraordinary kid, who always wanted to sing Don’t Stop Believin’, and Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville (out of over two thousand patients, that was my first and - so far - only request for that song) at the top of his lungs, even when he was wearing an oxygen mask. He was also partial to singing ZZ Top’s Sharp Dressed Man, complete with hand gestures - including the double-thumbed self-point when it came to the lyric “Cos every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man.” He had a shock of bright red hair that didn’t honour the force of gravity even a little bit. He was eleven.
And his parents came into the proton radiation clinic to drop of an enormous bag of wrapped, labeled belated holiday gifts for the kids currently in treatment. What this must have taken for them to walk back through these doors I can’t even imagine. This - of course - was a testament to the intensity of their kindness, compassion, and generosity; the unimaginable strength of their strength - but it was also a tribute to the sense of community that the team at MGH work so hard to create.
An entire conference room is out of service for the entire month of December in order to house the sheer volume of gifts donated for the kids at MGH. The vast majority are from the families of former patients.
But I don’t usually say any of this, because I’m invariably asked the question by someone I just met, and that could be a little...much.
What I usually say is this, and it’s just as true: as a music therapist, it’s my job to help the young people I serve to find joy, resilience and empowerment through music. And if that isn’t enough luck, I’m surrounded by people who place the highest premium imaginable on the importance of laughter, fun, singing and dancing, self-expression (the sassier the better) and normalcy in helping a child regain their joy and support their health. The Haematology-Oncology team are dedicated - not only to providing world class medical care - but also to helping families create memories from their time in treatment that are as full of joy and hope as possible, during what will likely be most challenging time of their lives. From the doctor who feigns Oscar-deserving surprise when a kid jumps out, giggling, from under the covers; the nurse from the night shift who can tell me exactly which songs a patient had been listening to all night in their room; the cleaning staff who’ll stop by a patient’s room to hear the first rendition of a song they just wrote, bursting into applause at the end, to the Child Life team who offer medical prep and procedural support, helping patients gain a sense of mastery over their treatment experiences.
I think Ben might have been getting fed up of hearing me start every phone call with ‘the most BEAUTIFUL thing happened at work today…’. But I can’t help myself. This may or may not be why he signed up to run the Boston Marathon (in just over a month!) to raise money for MGH's youngest cancer patients. In case I haven't mentioned it lately (I know, I know. I definitely have) - wowzers trousers am I proud of him. Every penny raised by the marathon team goes directly to providing life-saving research and supportive programming for the clinic, the impact of which I get witness each and every day.
So, to nudge Ben towards his fundraising goal, we're putting on a couple of events:
If you're in the Boston/Cambridge area, then I'd love to see you at The Burren, in Davis Square, on April 13th, at 7pm. There'll be music from Lula Wiles, Sean Trischka, and Dietrich Strause and comedy from Ben, accompanied by the inimitable Greg Liszt (banjo player from Crooked Still and Bruce Springsteen's band), so I think it'll be a stellar evening. You can get tickets here.
If you're in London, then you're in luck!* Ben is putting on a pub quiz at The Grafton in Kentish Town this Sunday! Call them up to reserve a spot, but quickly because apparently it's almost sold out.
(*If your definition of luck involves being able to attend a pub quiz where all the questions are about The Office. As someone who never got around to watching it, that's my definition of quite bad luck, actually.)
He's also putting on a comedy night, but I think the details are TBD. Or maybe they're D, but I just don't know them yet. Either way, I'll keep you in the loop.
(This isn't even the right version of the show, that's how badly I'd do in that quiz.)
If you can't make it to any of that but you'd still like to help out, then first of all, thank you!
Second of all, here's how:
You can make a donation here. The price of a cup of coffee, or an ice cream, eaten Batman-style on the beach, would be much, much appreciated.
You can pass on this info to a pal who you think might be interested.
No but really, that first bit again. Thank you! Even if you're just considering it. Your contribution will help to provide the best possible medical and emotional support for the cheekiest, toughest kids I know.
The Cameo
My guest this week is Johnny Flynn.
What’s your job title/profession?
Dad/Actor and/or Musician/ruminator. I do for rumes what the terminator did for terms.
What would you love for people to know about your work?
It's chaotic but heartfelt and I physically can't do things I don't believe in - my mind sabotages the process. Songwriting often puts me in bleak moods for weeks and sometimes makes me incredibly joyful. But it's cathartic and gives me an understanding of my being in the universe and through abstract concepts of melody and poetry. Acting - when it feels right and adheres to the tenets I have collected over the years - is a spiritual exercise and stretches your mind and body to encompass the soul of another imagined being. It's an exercise in empathy and can be incredibly enriching - especially when that circle of understanding stretches to encompass your fellow actors and the audience. I feel that way about playing live music too. It's a blessing to get to perform when this is the case and you are a conduit for creative energy.
What do you wish people would stop asking about your work?
Maybe 'which do you prefer - music or acting?'
What made you/helped you to choose what you do?
My Dad was an actor and my older brothers are too. My Dad also wrote songs and played guitar and sang. My Mum also sang in a band in the 70's and is an artist and ceramicist. So I had those guys as strong role models and I happened to pick some idols when I was pretty young from those professions too. I would have been happy as an artist of any kind but I studied classical music on a few different instruments since I was young and that led me to music that was communicable in groups of people - song and tune sharing and the history of that and it seemed a noble and true lineage to me. And theatre for me was like the high art form of that. My Dad alerted me to the dignified social conscience of theatre in its history. Because of its sole purpose as a talisman to a communal experience for the audience and actors, I believe it is only a force for good. Even when you see a bad play or one that you don't agree with - because humans are good to each other when they can see and hear each other. Jez Butterworth told me he thinks of theatre as church and I feel the same way. When I was a student and first moved to London I fell in love with plays and Theatres that challenged society - pockets of people making work together with their bodies, minds and words that changed or challenged what people think and feel. That's what I wanted to do. And be changed myself.
What’s your perfect breakfast/lunch for a workday?
(What do you actually have for breakfast/lunch?)
I have a low boredom threshold so I can't stick at one thing for more than a day or two. I don't think I've found the perfect breakfast yet but it would probably have eggs and coffee in there.
What’s your perfect time to go to bed / wake up?
(When do you actually go to bed / wake up?)
N/A! I am by default pretty irregular. This morning I got up for filming at 2 am. When I'm at home I get up at 7 to get my son ready for school.
Do you have a set morning routine?
My best friend Henry routinely makes himself coffee as soon as he wakes up and then takes it outside. Whatever the weather and wherever he is he sits and sort of meditates in the open morning light. When I can I do that but mostly I'm running from bed to get dressed at some god forsaken hour and get into a car to go and shoot. When I used to live with Henry we'd have our coffee together and play backgammon for 20 minutes before he went to work and I dossed around doing whatever I do. I miss those days...
When you’re writing music, practicing, or preparing for a part, do you have a dedicated/preferred workspace?
No not really. I like busy spaces mostly. Filled with life. Buses are great for writing. I fill gaps - I'm not good at dedicating time in a quiet space. And I'm not good at concentrating on the task in hand when I'm at a quiet desk. Part of the physical act of shutting out the world or choosing to draw from it, flow with it, becomes part of the work. And as some kind of story teller, i always think that the real stories around me, the ones happening now, will be better to draw from than my imagined or memorised ones. My song lyrics are hard to track down in their original physical form. Mostly they're on the back of random pages in rehearsal play scripts. Or i wake up in the middle of the night and start singing into my phone.
When I'm getting ready to play a character on stage or in a film or something I have totems to the character around me. Pictures and objects. I like the sense of ceremony and sacredness of stepping into someone else's shoes. And asking to be guided in that task. I do some yoga... dressing rooms in theatre are pretty messy spaces for me. As was the small music studio i recently gave up... those spaces are some kind of extension of my mind - seemingly random objects that make sense to me.
Preferred stationery & tools of the trade?
Whatever's at hand. Master of indiscipline. At times I have a dedicated pocket full of different pens. I like the inky Black ones. I use a computer for composing on Sibelius sometimes. I always have a couple of notebooks on the go. I prefer writing lyrics by hand because there's a more personal relationship to the mark making. And I can stop and draw if I need to distill an idea.
What are your dressing room/trailer essentials?
A kettle. Green tea. Music. Photographs of my children.
When you’re on location/on the road, what are the first 5 things that go in your bag?
Three books: poetry, non-fiction and a novel. Two notebooks. A microphone and sound card. A guitar (that has its own bag). A small percolator. That's more than 5 but I was counting the books as one.
Do you have any routines that you try to maintain when you’re on the road?
I'm crap at keeping routines. But I meditate and try and do some cack handed yoga sometimes. When you're rushing around it feels good to unfurl and give your mind a bit of space.
What inspires you?
My friends are my biggest inspiration. I haven't seen a lot of them for a long time as I've been on a run of back to back jobs all over the place. But thinking of them and their dedication and passion gets me going. Gabriel my son is such a whirlwind of love and curiosity and inherent wisdom. He's five. I think he pretty much knows more than i do about everything that's important.
What’s your favourite thing about your work?
You're asking me when I'm really tired and miss my family.... but I guess it's where we can learn how to be the best we can be by binding our own particular voice to the current of energy running through all things. For me, learning how to get on with everyone is a big part of it. If I do my job well - then that person over there has a chance of enjoying doing their job well and then we can enjoy each other like a dance. That's why I do these sort of group activities as a job - the microcosm of society represented by these few people I'm working with is always heart warming.
Least favourite?
Getting up at 4am, being away from my family.
What do you do to get through days when you just don’t feel like it?
Smoke.
Do you have a go-to treat to get you out of a slump?
Coffee. Smoking.
Go-to work snack/sustenance?
A banana.
What’s your favourite part of the day?
I like it all... I'm fresh in the morning and more relaxed last thing in the evening... they both provide for interesting creative harnessing.
Least favourite?
The first 10 minutes after lunch.
How you define a good/successful day?
High fives all round. I get a sense of 'oh I'll sleep well tonight'. Partly because I've used up all my energy and partly because I can live with the decisions I made that day. I'm not gonna be dragged into thinking it all over. I can look forward.
What’s been your favourite failure? One that you learnt a lot from, or one that you can look back and say ‘well I got through THAT, I’m unstoppable!’
Signing with a major record label... then being dropped (I 'wouldn't jump through the hoops') and having all our dreams shattered by a bunch of suits who couldn't care less... and all the money we'd ALREADY spent on upcoming tours taken away - leaving me owing thousands in tax... We got through that without losing sight of the real reason we were making music.
Any hot tips for the old work-life-balance conundrum?
Not really. But in my industries - if you don't have a life first, then you've got nothing to say and you're unemployable. And you're miserable. So get a life first. Alright?!
Do you have any hobbies/passions outside of work?
Oh the usual.... gambling, drugs, the occasional game of golf.... no really... ummm walking? My kids.
If so, how do you make time for them? Where do they fit into your day/week?
Not enough time!!!!!!
What’s one piece of advice you would give to someone who wants to do what you do?
Do it for yourself. If you're enjoying it, and you're learning.... then that's what it's all about. That's your gift to humanity.
What’s the best piece of advice someone’s ever given you? (Or worst!)
Mark Rylance told me I should 'leave the coach on the sidelines' when I go on stage and play. My friend Cosmo told me that Bobby McFerrin has a practice of spending the beginning of any performance 'trying to find the ground'. When you've found the ground then you can start flying.
What’s your top tip for getting shit done?
Drink coffee. And deadlines deadlines deadlines....
Johnny's sparkling new album is out on March 24th! It's called Sillion, and you can pre-order it here.
Follow Johnny on Twitter @JohnnyFlynnHQ.
Watch the beautiful video for Wandering Aengus.
Catch one of the shows on his upcoming tour!
But be warned: it's a high risk strategy to take a date, because his music might make them fall in love with him, and you'll be left standing there like a lemon. I kid you not. When my friend Charles and I went to see Johnny's show at The Brighton Music Hall a couple of years ago, we stood at the back, and this proved to be an astonishing vantage point to witness the sheer preponderance of heart-eyed ladies, and their ever-increasingly forlorn dates. I might not have been so tickled by this room full of mournful Charlie Browns had I known that even I wouldn't be immune! Or rather, Ben wouldn't.
But, to be fair, who could blame him?
Some Music
This week's playlist is my attempt to chase the blizzard blues away.
You can listen to it on Spotify here.
If you're in the UK, there's no need to fill me in on all the sunny, verdant, fragrant blossom-y days you've been having. I'm much too busy refining my (already pretty excellent) impression of this cat.
A Poem
Demeter
by Carol Ann Duffy
Where I lived - winter and hard earth.
I sat in my cold stone room
choosing tough words, granite, flint,to break the ice. My broken heart -
I tried that, but it skimmed,
flat, over the frozen lake.She came from a long, long way,
but I saw her at last, walking,
my daughter, my girl, across the fields,In bare feet, bringing all spring's flowers
to her mother's house. I swear
the air softened and warmed as she moved,the blue sky smiling, none too soon,
with the small shy mouth of a new moon.
From The World's Wife (Picador, 1999).
Poster design for L'Affiche Moderne, by Marika Maijala. This has been the desktop picture on my laptop for years. I love it.
Links!
Two Monks Invent Maps by Mallory Ortberg.
This really tickled me: Here's what happened when I asked every TD in Ireland if they liked Beyoncé.
Thelonious Monk: So Plain Only the Deaf Can Hear. This story by Carvell Wallace is illuminating, and vividly, beautifully told.
A vast cosmic wink permeated all of Thelonious Monk’s work. You never knew if he was crazy, or if he was just trolling you.
Watch Anna & Elizabeth's NPR Tiny Desk Concert, and prepare to be completely enchanted. Learn more about their beautiful work here.
If Harry Belafonte on Sesame Street isn't enough of a treat, just read the YouTube video description.
'Gardening has been my therapy.' This extract from Allan Jenkins' Plot 29 is a moving account of a childhood spent in and out of foster care, and his devotion, as an adult, to nurturing and protecting living things.
Flowers will start to grow, pods begin to form. But for now I stand on the sidelines, a parent on sports day, calling urgent encouragement.
If ever the time comes when I don't turn to this clip from Black Books at least twice during tax season...
Actually, you know what? There's no need for me to finish that sentence. We both know that time will never come.
And that's it! See you next week!
Love,
Katya
The Katch-Up's header illustration is by the brilliant Tamsin Baker.